Life as I see it...

Wow.. I am back!

2009-01-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been over a year since I have posted on this blog. It proves to show I was busy the year before. God, I so miss this blog. This is the most personal of all my personal blogs. I can freely say what I want to say without thinking overmuch of the grammar and stuff.

Okay, first off.. I would want to revive this blog. This is my baby and it hasn't grown.. poor poor baby. I may have more free time this year, which suits me just fine.

For one thing, I finally have a laptop or rather, Gigi has a laptop which he generously lend me. It also helps that some clueless neighbors haven't restricted their wifi connection and I am leeching.

I am planning to take blogging more seriously, a feat that I was unable to do for the past year due to super busy schedules and being preoccupied with super projects. Haaah.. what a year.

I am also interested with learning CSS and blog template designing. That would be a real cool skill. It's about time I put some use to that college degree I graduated from.

Okay so now that my enthusiasm has been piqued, I wish it would stay that way.

14 Days to Christmas

2007-12-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

Sakto ba akong math? Well anywaaayss... Hapit na Christmas!! Can't wait to go home and sleep all day with Mama's home cooked meals waiting at the table when I wake up. Haay life.

But before that happy days forthcoming in the very near future, I still have to work my ass off to pay for the gifts and THE BILLS. Hurot na akong 13th month pay, huhuhu. Sige lang, the money was of great help to a few people.. :)

I am poorer this Christmas compared to last year. Feel na feel jud to nakong pamalit ug gifts last year, pero karon walay gana kay walay kwarta. Hahaha. Sige lang, I'll manage. I wish my manito/manita gives me the bag that I asked for! Haha. As of now, I shall forget gifts for myself and budget for my gifts to others. How sad.. :( Pero spirit of Christmas man daw na, so there you go.

The coffee's laxative effect is working right now.. Sh*t (literally!). BRB. Hahahaha...

Something-something

2007-12-06T19:25:00.000-08:00

We're having manito-manita at our office for our Christmas Party and we're supposed to give something every week. Today, I received a cute cellphone charm from my manito or manita. Love ko niya, haha. I wonder who he/she is.. hmmm..

The thoughtfulness behind this gift makes it more valuable than its face value. We are extremely busy with our work, and he/she probably has other stuff going on after work but yet he/she found time to buy me this gift.. ahhhwww..

SEO-ing Car Leasing Secrets!

2007-12-04T00:43:00.000-08:00

I need to increase the PR for Car Lease Specials site!!! Diyos ko, kanus-a pa man ni?! Hehehe. If anyone wants to read/know anything about Car Leasing, car renting, car lease deals, car auto quotation, car leasing secrets, or just plain auto-related information, Carleasingsecrets.com is the place to be! Dili ni tiaw-tiaw.

We have a blog and article site where you can dig up the past articles and posts. And you can avail the price quotation of the cars you want to lease.

Owkay? So, go to the Car Lease Specials site, Carleasingsecrets.com now!

If there's someone with a good heart out there with a PR on their blogs, please link to Carleasingsecrets.com. (Shameless plugging)

Let Go

2007-11-27T01:17:00.000-08:00

Free fall.
I will never be that good so might as well let it go.
Tired of thinking, tired of wishing, so tired of conniving.
Might as well let it be and free fall.
Then we'll see.

Updates

2007-04-23T01:36:00.000-07:00

I finally applied for an SSS ID today. I was always dreading to go and apply for an ID, the long lines and crowd are pretty intimidating, but Gigi and I just went and braved the stampede of people at SSS... and conquered the odds. Char, hehe.

Applying for the ID was a breeze, no challenge in fact. I already have my SSS number and a printed ID clearance that can be found in the internet. I made a step by step walkthrough on how to apply for an SSS ID found in my new blog: kulaypinay.com. (Yup, I have a new one... Again).

The domain name is courtesy of Bagsy, my genius frendshep, hehe.

Haay.. dugay na kau ko wala kasulat dire. Well anyways, we saw the movie Wild Hogs last Saturday after our dinner date (char, ihirit jud ang date, haha.. basta). The movie was hilarious. A must-see movie. Kataw-anan jud kau cya, sobra. According to Gigi, it is the first time he saw John Travolta with no girl clinging at his side.

Also saw Ang cute ng Ina Mo. Laughtrip pod. Pinoy slapstick with a twist. Same level as Tanging Ina which was also very funny. Eugene Domingo really is silly. And cute kau si Anne, idol! There. Niamin najud ko na ganahan ko ni Anne. hehehe.. I like Luis too.

Hmm.. unsa paman updates ha.. wala naman siguro. Ay, I am currently watching Naruto and now at episode 40 out of 200? 300? episodes. I still have a hundred plus episodes to go. O, ingon ana ko kakugihan.. hehe. But I really enjoyed them. I wish I'm a ninja.. And love ko si Kakashi.. Kakashiiiii....

And also, I am a self-confessed PBB2 addict. Hate ko si Wendy!!! Bruha cya. And I'm loving Bruce every minute of everyday.. Haaaayyy... macho fafa.. Bruuuuuccceee... Bruskong-brusko ka talaga.. hahahaha. You might also see my username at some Pinoy Exchange forum about PBB2. heheheh.. Bwesit jud ni si Wendy, feel na feel kaung muscles ni Bruce. Ayoko talaga sa kanya. Tinalbugan nya si Dionne sa pagka-malandi. Si Bruce ko pa ang napili.

And love ko pa rin ang Bleach.. Go Ichigoooo...

Yup, wala koy work, that's why taas kau ako gisulat dire.

Cheers..

Ebay

2007-03-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

Been reading about ebay for a while and it was just 3 weeks ago that I have truly tried and experienced it. I bought an item from ebay.ph and it went well. Good in fact. Loved the item I bought. Then I wanted to buy an accessory for that item but haven't found one at the malls. So I searched at ebay.ph again and voila, there it was. I'm happy that both my ebay experiences aren't traumatic, hehe. Though the second item isn't what I hoped for, the transaction is still fine.

I also tried to sell a friend's Toshiba laptop. Posted it on ebay.ph, you can see it here. Had a few inquiries, thought it was good. It wasn't sold though. Naabot nalang ang end of bid time, hehe.

I had some conversation with an officemate and he said he had friends selling local products such as dried mangoes through ebay. That got me some ideas, hehe. Maybe I can sell pancit canton and dried dilis, hehehe.. I really am not that much of a businesswoman.. Haayyy..

But ebay sure got my interest. In fact, I subscribed to newsletters offering ebay tips, hehe.
If interested, you can visit http://www.hotitemfinder.com/ for free ebay lessons.

Cheers..

Hooked on Bleach

2007-02-28T01:22:00.000-08:00

I have been following Bleach for several months now and I can't wait for the ending. Apparently, this show has been going on since August 2001 and right now, it is far from reaching its final episode, and I'm hooked.

This story is about my favorite character Kurosaki Ichigo, who gained Shinigami powers when Kuchiki Rukia was injured while fighting a hollow and lend him her power. You can read everything you want to know here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bleach_(manga)

(By the way, Wikipedia has become my favorite source of info about anything and everything. It seems they have resource on every subject I am looking for and they never failed me, hehe.)

I had fun reading forum threads by fellow fans like me at:
www.bleachforums.com

My co-worker here at PODD also gave me Bleach soundtracks and they're currently playing in my Winamp right now. My favorite is the one by D-Tecnolife performed by UVERworld, hehehe..(Oooohhhoooohhh.. hizunda kioku no you na toki no naka de itsuka wakari aeru kara... whatever that means).

If you want to download the Bleach songs, you can have it here:
http://www.bleachportal.net/bleach/multimedia/openings_closings

And the Lyrics here: (There are also English translations of the lyrics, cool..)
http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/bleach

Bleach Pics, galleries and Wallpapers here:
http://wallpapers.theotaku.com/category.php?id=187
http://www.animewallpapers.com/wallpapers/bleach/
http://www.bleachpictures.com/
http://www.bleachportal.net/gallery/

I saw Bleach action figures at Ayala and am planning to buy Orihime.. hehehe. I already gave Gigi the action figure of Renji, his favorite character.

Cheers..

Bee Scandal, Literally!

2007-02-23T00:56:00.000-08:00

Gigi saw this shameless insects mating on a banana leaf. And we shameless humans took photos of their "deed" (for educational purposes, hehehe)..

I noticed that the female bee is bigger. Weng asked how I knew which is the female bee. The one whose being ridden of course, haha. No brainer.

These pics are really educational; I read about queen bees today.

I learned that a queen bee's function is just to lay eggs, in other words, her vagina is an "egg factory", hehehe. During reproduction season, she will go out from the colony on a warm, sunny day to mate with 12 - 15 drones (the bitch!). She will only have a limited time to mate, and if she is unable to fly because of bad weather and remains unmated, she will become a "drone layer", meaning she will only produce male bees for life, thus, death for the colony. (Yup, they can't live without us women). A healthy queen bee can lay about 2,000 eggs per day and all her needs will be tended by her slaves, like giving her food and cleaning up her poopoos and weewees. And the young workers also lick her body "pheromones". This pheromones is eaten by the worker bees so that they can't lay eggs of their own. (Yeah, they don't a need coup d'etat or maybe the queen is just selfish. Imagine, 12 - 15 drones???...hmmm).

Cheers!

Gigi's Poem

2006-12-07T11:11:00.000-08:00

I made a post awhile back about men being better at writing. I asked Gigi to make me a poem. Here it is:

Hubag

Pagkasakit gayud sa akong tiil,
Tungod kini sa akong hubag.
Nahitabo kini niadtong gabi-una,
na ako mahulog sa sanga.

Pagkalami man gud gayud sa bonga,
Sa mangga ni lola Juana.
Nang kami nasapnan sa pagpanguha,
Wala gyud ko nagduha-duha og ambak.

Mao cguro ning tawag nilang gaba,
Ang akong nasinati karong adlawa.
Sa sunod nakong pangpanguha,
Kamunggay nlang tingali og kalabasa.

Hmmm.. Not bad, I think.. hehe

cheers..

because i'm bored

2006-12-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

The template doesn't work on Mozilla firefox.. :(
Still have to trace those codes.
I'm tired.
I'm lonely.
I'm sick.
I'm bored.
I'm sleepy.
I want to go home now.
I want to rest.

resolutions, realizations 2006

2006-12-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

- I'll make my own happiness. It won't depend on anybody else.
- I'll take care of myself. I'm the only one who knows best.
- I'll get what I want. I'll do what I want. If anybody has a problem with it, then that's their problem.
- I won't care what anybody think. People forget easily.
- I will give only if I feel like it.
- I will be nice only if I feel being nice.
- I won't be forced doing something I don't like.
- If I feel I need a break, then I'll take a break.
- If I want to splurge, then I will.
- I know the difference between right and wrong. I'll defend the right and fight against the wrong.
- Love without reserve.
- Cry hard for a broken heart.
- Laugh at every opportunity.
- Stand up if I fall, brush off the dirt. Bruises always heal.
- I'll do my best just for the sake of doing my best.
- Never regret, never linger at what ifs.
- Have faith in God. I know and He knows our relationship.
- Value friends.
- Protect the people I love.
- Be thankful for every blessing received.
- I will embrace my loneliness. There's no helping it.
- I will value my worth. No bargains. No crumbs.
- Sometimes, changes hurt. I'll cry.
- Oftentimes, I am stupid. I'll accept.
- Always, I am impulsive. I'll manage.
- Sometimes, the person I love can hurt me the most. I'll bleed.
- But still, love without reserve.. :)

For the one person who's given me his love, concern, care and friendship and whom I've shared a million laughters, fun bickerings and suffered my fickleness, I am grateful for everything.

For the family that I will always miss and who always gives their support when I needed it the most.. I am lucky to have a home to run to.

Yummy

2006-11-17T15:06:00.000-08:00

I am using the above photo as my YM avatar, and I am amused by the comments I received about it. Read:

Rey Gigants: yap.grabe ka sexy, as in..
Rey Gigants: mingawon man sad ta ana sa akong asawa
Michelle: hahahahaha
Rey Gigants: naa kay whole pic ana?
Rey Gigants: send be
Michelle: naa..
Michelle: kajut lang ha
Rey Gigants: send sa ako email

----

Ayanzee: taga-i kuno ko ug full picture ana ni angelica beh?
Ayanzee: na-intirgia gyud ko niya da
Michelle: hahaha
Ayanzee: hahaha
Michelle: oks
Ayanzee: hala kayasa
Ayanzee: baby pa man ni siya kaayo sa una uy
Ayanzee: kayasa paytera gyud ni angelica diha uy

----

harold: sexy lage kag avatar
Michelle: yeah, of course
harold: e send sa akong email
Michelle: hahaha
harold: tawa raba
harold: lami kau c angelica oi
Michelle: nyahahhaha...
Michelle: oh my God... pareha jud mog comment tanan
Michelle: LAMI
harold: bwahahah
harold: dako kaau ug boobs

----

and this from no other than Gigi:

kits: kita njd ko avatar nmo..
Michelle: daghan kau kog fans..
kits: ahehehhe
kits: lami-ah jud ni angelika oi..
Michelle: hahahhaha
Michelle: luuda nimo oi
Michelle: manyak
kits: sus! angelikahhh...
Michelle: hahaha.. manyak ka!
kits: adto nako ofis. babosh... *hugs angelikahhh tyt*
Michelle: pag-angelica na dra kaw
Michelle: ayuko na sayo

All of them has one word for her. And that is LAMIIIIII... (Extended with this icon attached---> )

Hahaha.. Boys will be boys.

cheers..

Hate Me by Blue October

2006-11-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

I could listen to this song whole day. What is it with sad stories, sad songs, sad etc that could trigger emotions from us??? It certainly creates greater impact than happy stuff.. I wonder.

Anyways, this is my current favorite song, but will change without further notice.. hehe.

Watch! Listen! Click: Hate Me by Blue October

Sing Along with this lyrics, too:

Artist: Blue October
Song: Hate Me

Mother: Hi Justin! This is your mother it is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. Take care honey, I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinoins on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 3)
And when the sad hard eyes say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I found out I can't make it go away, just make it stop
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you did this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you, for you, for you, for you...

-------

Gosh, I just looovvve the Youuu-hoooo part!

cheers..

Looking Ahead

2006-11-16T14:07:00.000-08:00

It's almost Christmas, soon it will be my birthday. Then the New Year will come and go, then Valentines Day, then it'll be Christmas again. And so the cycle continues..

Next year, Samsam will be leaving to work in the US, probably on January, for I don't know how long. And I will miss him. We have been friends since college and I know most of what he's doing while we're here in Cebu. Through Gigi, of course..hehe. We got pretty close here because we do not have other matters to be busy with. So we just bear each others' company. And I'm sure they suffer my constant presence at their apartment, hehe.. They're stuck with me.

Next year, Samsam won't be around to do the usual stuff with. There will be 1 person less to talk to, to annoy, to make fun at, to tease, to match up with Jansci..hehe.. And I don't know that when he'll be back maybe a year or two from now, he'll be the same Samsam that we know. He will be doing stuff there and we'll be doing other stuff here, then we'll trade stories. But it is always better if we do all those stuff together.

Then who's next to go to Utah? Patrick? Ryan? Gigi???!! Huhuhu.. I dont think I like Wats that much.

And that's that.

I still have to get used to his "going away". Come to think of it, Mae is in Manila and Escuts is in Iligan and I don't have any news about them lately. Maybe because the US is like the moon in my way of thinking while Mae and Escuts are just a few minutes' flight away. And speaking of my bestest best friends, I wonder what's going on with their lives now.. I haven't heard from them for some time. To think that we were inseparable a few years back... :(

Life really isn't what it's used to be and will continue to be different from what we want and what we expected.

What does life and future have in store for me? I am hoping for inner peace. I will be 23 this coming December and I hope I will get a little bit more mature. But I am doubtful.

Back to my inner peace thingy, since I stepped on Cebu, it seemed that I am always seeking for something. And I am still looking. I am pretty much a Home-buddy and I want to go home to a place that feels like one. I have not found my peace over this being away-from-home-and-being-independent thing. I still continually wish for Mama to shop with, Papa to make lambing with, Dodong to bug with, home-cooked meals to eat, Monggo to cook, a room to daydream at and be alone . I continually wish for the at-home feeling. Will I find that in Cebu? For sure I will find that in Iligan but will it feel the same with most of my friends and Gigi somewhere else? Home is where the heart is, they say. I don't know where my heart is at, and that's what makes it complicated.

As for now, life and future is still pretty hazy for me. I live a pointless life and I don't see a bright future ahead. I'm pathetic.. Better be dead, right? hehhehe.. Ok, I'll find myself some psycho killer..

Haayy.. Don't get me wrong. I am cheerful today.. :D <--- see?

cheers...

CHANNING TATUM!!

2006-10-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

EEEEEEE!!!!!! Channingggg!!!!
I'm in love with Channing Tatum again. Di najud ni mausab, di na mailisan... Period Ever!!!

I have forgotten every other man in my life. Gigi who?? Superman who?? Si Channing nalang ang nabilin.. Walang kokontra! This is my final answer! No Call a Friend, no 50-50 choice. Final! 100%!!! Haaaayyy...

This is how my Desktop looks like right now:

Igat kau sila no?? And look at that biceps.. Ako unta nang bae oi.. pistot. nganong naa man ko dire pinas oi, ahak. Aww. HAHAHHAHA!!

Here's some Channing Tatum links:
http://www.moviewallpapers.net/wallpapers/stepup/1_1024.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRViFfv8slg&NR
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rd8glWbZds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW577JFWxwo

Ah basta. search lang mog "Channing Tatum" sa Google, Yahoo, Youtube and etc and you'll get it.

No time to think something to write in pure English.. Ang buto-buto sa akong kasing-kasing dili maapas sa paglihok sa akong utok.. nyahahaha!! Oh my God I'm going crazy.. hahahahahah.. kiata nako oi.. Haaayy.. Channing.. kung magkita ta, layatan ko gayud ikaw!! hahahaha...

Mao ra to.. Naa pa untay daghan pero murag buang naman ko paminawon.

cheers..

On prose and poetry

2006-10-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

I was browsing a website designed by our company (PODD) titled Pinoy Poets and I came across this poem:

A Love Letter
by Dwane Arboleda

Sometimes I see shadows
where there shouldn't be.
Movement
when everything is still.
Sometimes I think
I'm going crazy
all alone.

And then I met you
and loved you.

Now I see glimmers
in the shadows,
Serenity in a
raging storm.
I still think
I'm going crazy
at least now
I'm not alone.

I love its simplicity and directness. It is a short poem but I was touched. Anyways, this post is not about that particular poem, LOL. I browsed over several of the poems and I noticed that most of the poems posted on the site were written by men. So do most of the poems I loved like Manggang Hilaw and Worms. This made me think and wonder since our perception is that women have the expressive, emotional, and sensitive nature compared to men. And poems, I think is one of the best media to convey emotion.

Then I thought, many of the best poets in history are men. Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Robert Browning, Edgar Allan Poe... I'm looking at a list right now and I'm seeing a lot of men's names. Maybe men are better at putting emotions into words. Maybe they are more creative with using them while women just throw it all out without finesse.. hehe. So with this in mind, I asked Gigi to make a poem. Let's see if it is any good.. hehe.. :)

I was searching for more poems and I found this cute one:

Scrambled

I climbed up the door and
I opened the stairs.
I said my pajamas
and buttoned my prayers.

I turned off the covers
and pulled up the light.
I’m all scrambled up since
she kissed me last night.

Awww.. how sweet. Hehe.

And I also found this poem written by Queen Elizabeth Tudor I.

ON MONSIEUR'S DEPARTURE

I grieve and dare not show my discontent,
I love and yet am forced to seem to hate,
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant,
I seem stark mute but inwardly to prate.
I am and not, I freeze and yet am burned.
Since from myself another self I turned.

My care is like my shadow in the sun,
Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it,
Stands and lies by me, doth what I have done.
His too familiar care doth make me rue it.
No means I find to rid him from my breast,
Till by the end of things it be supprest.

Some gentler passion slide into my mind,
For I am soft and made of melting snow;
Or be more cruel, love, and so be kind.
Let me or float or sink, be high or low.
Or let me live with some more sweet content,
Or die and so forget what love ere meant

Finally, here's my favorite Haiku:

Snow melts.
Suddenly, the village
is full of children.

That's all I wanna write.. :)

cheers..

Ramblings of an unfit mind

2006-10-17T16:59:00.000-07:00

STUCK, TRAPPED, HELPLESS

Please..I can do this
God bear with me
Im holding tight to slim hope
Blindness envelops me
Surrounding, consuming, constricting

Endless line
Infinite loop
Im stuck without direction.
Sinking in a quicksand
Drowning, grasping, dying

Tired of drifting
But can't seem to move
Im sick, when will this end?
Want to run back home
Comfort, contentment, love

Finding Nemo

2006-10-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Judging from the comments of friends from the previous post, I think I'm better at writing sad stories.. I'd love to make one right now, but I'm not in the mood. And honestly, I dont think I can take that too much drama anyways. I guess, there's a little of Kathleen in me when it comes to matters of the heart. Too emotional and too sensitive.

Well anyways, I had a great weekend. One of the best. Patrick invited us to his joint bithday celebration with one of their kaberks. We went island hopping at Mactan Island and snorkelled at the fish sanctuary. Needless to say, I enjoyed it a lot, first one to jump in the water.

I really didn't know how to snorkel, even wore the gear upside down with Sam-sam as witness. I know.. I'm ignorant. But with little practice and practically doing gums-to-gums with the previous user of the snorkel, I managed.

There were a lot of fishes! Blue fishes and brown fishes and red fishes and striped fishes and big fishes and tiny fishes and medium fishes and other fishes. Did I mention there were a lot of fishes? There were a lot of fishes! hehehehhe..

We fed them pieces of bread and schools of them went attacking them in just minutes. It was cool and it was scary at the same time. Specially when the big ones went to the crumbs. Much like a piranha movie.

I loved swimming there. I'll bully Gigi to bring me there again. Even if it means he has to paddle, hahaha. Really, I would love to go there again. Next time, I'll come prepared. I'll bring my own snorkel so I wont have to put something in my mouth that comes from other swimmers, I'll bring sunscreen lotion so I wouldn't be as red as I am now, maybe a pair of fins for my feet would be cool.. hehe.

I want to go to the fishes.. huhuhuhuhu.. I want to find Nemo..
Charness. Hehehe.

cheers..

a letter to someone

2006-10-09T12:08:00.001-07:00

I never wanted to keep you away from them, I was only asking for a little attention. You spend 24 hours with some and more than 10 hours with a few. What is an hour or 2 compared to that? I even encourage you to not miss any of the hangouts you do with them.

I wish this ache will disappear. I never wanted to hurt someone because I never want to be hurt, who does? And yet I am aching without compare. And hurting someone, too. I barely can take this. I can barely take a breathe without having the urge to cry. It's eating me minute by minute of my waking hours. I do not know how to sleep, if ever I could. I wish I could sleep with someone to watch over me who cares. I wish for a white senselessness.

I was never this needy. I was never this vulnerable in my entire life. I miss the comforts of my family. I miss the embrace of loved ones. I want to be with familiar faces, familiar touch and familiar scene. I dont want to keep a face, pretending I'm okay when I'm not. I want to cry on friendly shoulders.

I depended on you. And I ruined everything. Is it so bad to ask for attention when I need it? Maybe I didn't ask correctly. Maybe I was too demanding, maybe I was too stupid to just expect it. You have your life, I know. I seem to forget that.

Why does it have to hurt this way? I wish for heart to stop beating. I want to apologize. I did. But it seems you arent taking it. I understand. I will try to bear this. It's just that I don't know how.

Where did I go wrong? Where was I wrong? Was I wrong to depend on you, I'm sorry. Was I wrong to ask for something you are not willing and able to give anymore? I'm sorry. Was I wrong to give you too much and you're stifled? I'm sorry. Was I wrong to expect something I was not working to deserve? I'm sorry. Was I wrong to love you too much? I am sorry. And I am guilty.

Maybe this all for a reason. God knows my relation with Him and maybe He is giving me a lesson. Or maybe a punishment. I know I deserve one. I just don't know how to get through this. I can't see.

Maybe I am being over melodramatic. Maybe it's just my way.

I know he will never read this. But I just hope he will. But I don't care. I don't want to care.

The least I could ask is for you to accept my apology. Even just a simple "Hi". Is it too much to give to someone you used to care? Everything I wish for is your apology and a promise to TRY to be better. But if I have my way, I wish everything will be alright. But I know I can't wish that, I know you don't feel anything anymore. And I'm devastated.

DOA rocks!

2006-09-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

Just saw DOA (Dead or Alive) last Sunday and it sure rocks! The girls were hot, I wish I were one of them. I really like Christie best. She's sexy, seductive and naughty. She knows that men can't resist her and she uses that to her advantage to get what she wants. You go girl!

Haay.. I just wish I were that sexy. Maybe I should start that gym thing I was planning for a long time. But working out is such a hassle and I just don't have the energy to go to the gym from the office after work, sweat for 2 hours then ride a jeep to ayala then another one to get home.. I'd rather sleep after work and dream of a perfect figure. hehehe.. oh well.

cheers..

just rambling..

2006-09-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i posted here. i changed my url because there are just thoughts that i can not share with some people. i know that with the search engine, everything is traceable. i just thought it was a good idea to change url at the time.

a lot has happened lately and there are only a few happy things that i could think of.

i had the longest weekend ever.. i'll just leave it at that.

went home for a few days. glad to see nothing's changed much at home. it's the same house, the same room and its as if i were not away for months.

not in the mood now. i'll write again when i have a more cheerful topic to write about.

cheers.

My Visayan poem

2006-08-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

Chelito has this blog full of Visayan poems/lyrics. I'm a jealous person so I'm making one for myself, hehe.. Had the chance to "compose" while waiting for Gigi to arrive from work yesterday. This is before S^&%$! happened.. hehe.
You've got to read this, hahahahha....

Asa Na si Gigi

Ako naglingkod dre sa tugkaran
Atubangan sa balay nga ilang giabangan
Nagtagad ni Gigi kay ingon cya ako muadto
Sa ilang balay, kay cya dre mudiretso.

Apan pag-abot ko, diari walay tawo
Walay mabuhat kon dili magpungko
Ug magpaabot hangtod cya muabot,
Kung kanus-a, ako muingon ug "Ambot".

Ako una isugilon ngano ako ngari napad-pad
Kini man god si Gigi sigeg sakit ang tiyan
Pipila na ka adlaw kini walay lungtad
Mao kami nagsabot muadto sa doktor, ipatan-aw iya tiyan.

Hay nako, asa naman intawon cya.
Gikapoy nakog huna-huna'g binisaya
Unsa man ako ipares sa "binisaya"?
Hmm.. kuan nalang: "Hahahhaha..."

Ahihihihi.. It's stupid. I KNOW..

cheers..

Not my day today...

2006-08-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

This is not my day today. I hate this day. Went to Mactan Doctors, gigi was having his ulcer checked up. went to their apt to rest. then... S#$%!

Had a talk, it was ok. Problems discussed. Too many of them. Realized some things.. Don't like the feeling.

Didn't sleep, couldn't sleep to be exact.

Had dinner with PODD. Was okey. I guess. Im here now, working my ass off. Sleepy, grainy eyes, want to sleep, want to give up.

Not my day today.

no cheers..

I love Pussycat Dolls

2006-08-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

I love Pussycat Dolls!!! I think they're sexy, great dancers and their songs are hot.
That's all I wanna say.. =D

cheers..

A very spiritual?? composition..

2006-07-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

I have a co-worker who serves as an altar boy throughout his school years. He said a priest financed his education from highschool to college and he served in church for almost all of his life. He's new and since I'm a little conversational when I choose to, we actually became fast friends.. :) I even paid for his fare when he and I went home from work together.. hehe.. yeah, thats me.. miss congeniality.

Well anyways, since he was such a religious guy and of course knew many stuff about God, the church, philosophy, theology, etc... I told him I want to die. He said, why? I said I am just not interested with what life has to offer.. He said Wow, that's cool.. haha.. He then sent me many philosophical quotes about life and death with authors no other than Descartes, St. Augustine, and many others and honestly, I really didn't comprehend the meaning of those quotes. It was just too deep and spiritual for my powers. Then he said that maybe if he wanted to die, his reason would be to look back at his life and know his importance, the purpose why he was sent here. Then I said, "but then you would be dead and won't be able to come back".. I thought I was being smart when I told him that and anticipated his reply. Then he answered with "That would be the only way to know your purpose. Only God knows it." He has a point.. demmit.

Today, he again sent me a quote from someone really really smart.. I dont know who but I'm certain he's dead. Please read:

A monk asked Abbot Poemen: "Father, teach me the first step in the spiritual life." The Abbot replied: "It is written, 'I will declare my sinfulness and think of my sins.'"

I was, Haaaa??? Then he explained some stuff and i still didn't get it.

Anyways, he then asked me if I have an idea where I was before I went out of my mother's vagina.. (Not that exact phrase.....but you know what I mean). I said no. Do you? I expected a Miss Universe answer and I was not disappointed. His reply was "I was told by a monk that we did not exist. But we already exist in God's plans." Wowww...

I asked him if he believes in heaven and earth and he said "Yes. Do you?"

Yes, I do believe in heaven and I wish I'd go there when I die. I even want to go there now.. But talking with Chelito makes me realize that I have many things to live for still.. i could enumerate them here, hehe:

1. I want to be married
2. I want to have children. 3 only. That' s MAXIMUM, not 4 or 5..got that gi?? better if 1 lang kay sakit sa B_L_T, hehehehehehe..
3. Visit other places
4. Ride a roller coaster, kanang taas kaau nga murag makamatay
5. I want to see celebrities, hehe..
6. Go to a Britney Spears concert. I know she's old news right now but I spent my highschool days admiring, idolizing britney spears and even fought for her. I just hate Christina Aguilera, bitch. Haha.. I spent hours at internet cafe just saving all britney pictures I could find.
7. I want to eat different, delicious cuisine.. gluttony could get me to hell.. pero please Lord make an exception.
8. I want to own a beautiful house for my family
9. Treat my parents with a shopping spree to Hongkong or a vacation in the US
10. I still want to buy cool things for myself, hehe..

I know these are shallow, but I'll just have to live for those reasons... hahaha..

Kapoy nag sulat ug ininglish, so mao ra ni.

cheers..

Please answer my question...

2006-07-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

What's interesting with what life has to offer?

No cheers today.. Figuring out what my life is all about. Yeah.. :|

My hero..

2006-06-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

Watched superman with Gigi last night.. I thought it was just an hour and forty minutes long but turned out I was looking at the movie length for Scary Movie. Got late for a meeting.. barely got there on time.

Anyways, no regrets. Even if we had no budget for movie watching, Superman was so sexy that I didnt mind spending money we barely can afford, hahaha! I have a new ultimate crush, sorry Channing Tatum, sorry Gigi, you're being replaced...

This is him. Ooohh..be quiet my heart, sigh..

I downloaded the Superman wallpaper and saved it as desktop background so I can drool over Superman everytime I see the desktop...

I wish I were Lois Lane..! Lucky her! Some gals just have the luck! I hate her.

oh well, so long.. have a very important urge to do... dream and drool over the image on my desktop... sigh.. Superman.. save me..

Haha! Gigi will kill me...

cheers..

Tepen.. my cousin? Haha..

2006-06-26T18:01:00.000-07:00

I knew tepen looked familiar the first time I saw him.. haha! The pic on the left is my cousin Gboy, that's tepen on the right.. They looked a little similar, don't you think? Hmm.. ante is maybe 37 now, and tepen is... 23? ante had tepen when she was 14 years old and gave him to tepen's present parents.. hahahhaha! a likely story.

cheers..

My new template

2006-06-26T17:09:00.000-07:00

Weee!!! I got a new template.. Please bear with the stupid face at the top... I just felt like it..haha..

cheers..

About the Fra Lippo concert..

2006-05-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

We went to a Fra Lippo Lippi concert the other night... Well, its not really the Fra Lippo Lippi band coz only the lead singer was there, Per Sorensen. He has a nice voice and the songs are okey, I guess.. I am not really into Fra Lippo Lippi coz I'm more of the RnB, HipHop girl and I prefer music that lets you move to the beat. But all of the peepz wanted to go, so there I was in the back row, watching Per do his awful dance step, hehe.. minus. Sorry, I just think he doesn't have body coordination. His trademark move is to open his arms wide while singing and moving his hips from side to side...

I think he's gay. No, im sure he's gay (no offense). He wore a black, see-through shirt and the way he acted were a little feminine. And at the end, he put an act on saying it was the last song when it was obvious that he'll be back on the stage, he just wanted the audience to ask for more...fishing for compliments.. hehe. So there. He left the stage during his "last song", but the band didnt move an inch. When the audience didnt give any effort in asking him to come back to the stage, the backup singers just encouraged the people to shout for more.. hehehe. I just thought it was funny...

I know Gigi and Patrick wouldn't approve of this write-up coz they like Fra Lippo and I think they enjoyed the show. It's obvious I didn't.. hehe, sorry. It's just not my kind of music.. Hmm.. its not exactly that "I didn't like it", it's just that it won't be a great loss if I missed it.. Oh, is it the same thing?? Am I making it worse..? haha...

But honestly, the songs are okey.. REALLY... yeah.

cheers..

About work... again

2006-05-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

Done with the meeting. but the tasks and deadlines doesn't end there. More to come and I mean MOOORREE to come. Im tired. only slept for 3 hours. What am I doing in this marketing stuff..? but its cool, maybe i can handle this... i will handle it. i'm learning new stuff everyday.. nothing more to add. im going home now and get some sleep, for goodness sake.

This and that...Again

2006-04-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

I'm writing now because I have time (yey, it's a miracle)... unlike my previous entries which I made time to write because I had the urge.. :) well anyways, these are what has happened lately:

My friends had a well-deserved night out 2 weeks ago and we had a blast! We went to a videoke bar and they sang, hehe.. I just sat there and hid behind Gigi's armpit so I couldn't sing.. I'm terrible, believe me, and I'm proud to admit it. End of discussion.

After videoke, we went to a disco bar and I observed some "worldly" happenings that shocked my innocent senses.. hehe.. and it's funny to see hero getting drunk! oohh.. poor baby...

Then, I went home to Iligan for Lent. There's no place like home..ever. Missed my mom, my popsy and bro.. missed everything. I dont know if I'm ever staying in Iligan for good. Like settling there and raise a family. It makes me sad because the more I think about it, the more unlikely it seems. I know I can never have the kind of job and salary in Iligan that I'm enjoying here in Cebu. It's amazing how jobs can be a major factor why people migrate. Hmm.. no. If you think about it, it's the ONLY reason why we all leave home.. Oh well, that's the truth, that's life.. so okey, whatever.

And finally, I had my hair fixed, and its fixed alright. You've got to see it!hehe.. yup, im not bragging.. I endured a lot to have this hair rebonded. I threw away more that a thousand pesos for "just hair" for some people, I stayed put and smiled when auntie pulls hard on my hair. It hurt! And, I didn't wet my hair for three days.. Yup yup yup.. I still didn't have a decent bath since saturday... hehe.. I hope it stays this way, my hair I mean... (Of course I take baths!)

And yeah, Carlos had his son baptized last sunday and it was nice...:) the food was great. the best. And we watched She's the Man on DVD. It was the best movie of the year.. It was funny and the guy was so sexy and seductive and MALE... Raw MALE. hahaha.. if you know what i mean... he's my new ultimate crush, Channing Tatum (weird name, but never mind).. sorry Gi, hehehehe.

That's all... im brain freezed (about Channing... *ooohh, you make me shiver) on what to write right now... so, till next time.

cheers..

About happiness...

2006-04-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

I read this entry from Patrick's blog, entitled Happiness and it made me think of certain things..

Well, to Patrick: At least you've got one of what you wanted, being a programmer.. and you can work on being a performer...:)

Me, I never wanted to be in IT way back in college but look at where i'm now. Was I happy in college? Never, I was miserable. I felt double misery everytime we were given a project and I had no idea how to work it out. Programming was the worst. But thinking bout it now, I think I should be proud of myself for having the courage or maybe strength to graduate from a field I didnt like. I didn't even receive a grade of 5. That is of course, with the help of some friends.. :)

Having said that, the next question is.. Am I happy now? No I am not. But I am not miserable either. I am in a stage where I feel that I have to "make do" with what I got because it is better than nothing and it is better than most.

I have a nurse boardmate working at Mactan Doctors who receives a 7, 000 salary (to be deducted with tax). I received way more than that when I was at Xlibris and to think that a nurse's job is tedious, not to mention scary since you're dealing with a person's health and even life. And I only copied and pasted some texts in Xlibris..no sweat, hehe..

Right now, I am not completely happy and I wish that I could be somewhere and someone else rather than what/who I am now. BUT, I CHOOSE on settling with what I am and with what I have because thinking and wishing for things that can't be, could make me insane and bitter. Gigi knows I can be that... :)

As for the things I want and for the things that could make me happy and content, maybe I could have them someday. I have a family, I have a job, I have Gigi and many many things. And I should not be asking for more because I've had enough already. But as I've said from my previous blog, man's nature is to be never contented...

Hmm.. think about that.

cheers..

Mama's special sandwich spread..

2006-04-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

When my brother and I were in elementary, my mom would pack us 2 sandwiches each for snacks. One for the morning break and one in the afternoon. Our favorite "palaman" was always Milo in between the sliced breads. Mama would put a liberal amount of the chocolate powder in the breads and pack them in tupperware containers and I remember that by the time our snacks period came, the powder would melt into sticky, semi-liquid chocolate. Much like hersheys. We loved it so much that every day for our 6 elementary years, we had the same snacks. Our classmates loved it too and they always ask for bites from our breads. Maybe they envy us for having a mother who prepares us special sandwiches.

Now that I'm working and in the night shift to boot, I wanted to make a similar sandwich but it would not melt like my mom's.

I miss the old days and I wish we could stay as children forever and find joy in anticipating the snack periods so as to gobble our favorite sandwich.

I want to make mother's sandwiches for my children someday. Maybe by that time, I would know the secret on how to make them.

My mama is the greatest...

cheers..

About sleep...

2006-04-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

I was trying to sleep late this afternoon and my room mates were just plain noisy. Couldn't they respect those who needed to sleep? I try my best not make any noise when THEY are asleep.

Anyways, I've always had difficulty having deep sleep so I searched the net on foods that induce sleep. If I can't sleep, better eat than tossing and turning on the sheets. Here it is:

Snooze Foods
These are foods high in the sleep-inducing amino acid tryptophan:

Dairy products: cottage cheese, cheese, milk
Soy products: soy milk, tofu, soybean nuts
Seafood
Meats
Poultry
Whole grains
Beans
Rice
Hummus
Lentils
Hazelnuts, Peanuts
Eggs
Sesame seeds, sunflower seeds

Best Bedtime Snacks
Foods that are high in carbohydrates and calcium, and medium-to-low in protein also make ideal sleep-inducing bedtime snacks. Some examples:

apple pie and ice cream (my favorite)
whole-grain cereal with milk
hazelnuts and tofu
oatmeal and raisin cookies, and a glass of milk
peanut butter sandwich, ground sesame seeds (It takes around one hour for the tryptophan in the foods to reach the brain, so don't wait until right before bedtime to have your snack.)

Best Dinners For Sleep
Meals that are high in carbohydrates and low-to-medium in protein will help you relax in the evening and set you up for a good night's sleep. Try the following "dinners for sleep":

pasta with parmesan cheese
scrambled eggs and cheese
tofu stirfry
hummus with whole wheat pita bread
seafood, pasta, and cottage cheese
meats and poultry with veggies
tuna salad sandwich
chili with beans, not spicy
sesame seeds (rich in tryptophan) sprinkled on salad with tuna chunks, and whole wheat crackers

cheers..

This and that..

2006-03-29T06:21:00.000-08:00

No interesting messages in my email today and I didn't have a good day's sleep. I don't think I like night shift that much. I just want to go home and sleep right now. To hell with work. I'm tired. I'm sleepy, my eyes and head hurts. I miss my bed at home in Iligan. I don't like my bed at the boardinghouse. It's too narrow. I miss my mamsy and popsy, I miss my house, I miss my brother. I wanna go home and never come back. No, I don't mean that... If Gigi isn't here, I wont waste a thought on staying in Cebu. I want a vacation... in Iligan. I want to eat home cooked meals, vegetable soup and monggo soup, my favorite. I miss watching cable tv and movies that I like. I want to sleep late at night and wake up late in the afternoon trying to finish a book. I want to do nothing, think of nothing and eat everything I crave for.

What makes a man happy?

What makes me happy? Right now, everything I mentioned above... but truly, what makes us truly happy and content and never wish for anything anymore? Maybe men are not supposed to have that, maybe wanting something is part of being what we are as human beings. So, I wish I'm not human. Because I feel guilty on wanting many more things when I have more than enough of my share of God's blessings and there are people out there who dont have anything.

cheers..

Ironic, isnt it?

2006-03-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

Just when I was out of Xlibris, I just discovered that 04L's route runs through the rear of Elizabeth Mall. This means I could have saved about 200 meters worth of hiking from Land Bank to my boarding house after work. And I practically took the long way from the first day at Xlibris until I resigned... I didn't know! Talk about irony...

cheers...

About love..

2006-03-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

I received this forwarded email from Mae:

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

So true.. I have found my guy or more likely, my guy found me.. :)
I am lucky and happy...

cheers..

About work...

2006-03-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

i transferred to another company just a week ago and i dont know if i'll be happy with my new job for that matter... i have been dying to get out of Xlibris because i didnt like the job... weeellll, the job was okey, even simple. but it was too routinary and unchallenging that at the end of the day, i dont feel any satisfaction from the tasks I did.. submissions, submissions, submissions.. and then QA, QA, QA... everyday.. links everyday...

i wanted a higher salary... :) (who wouldnt) and i felt i could handle a few more responsibilities for a higher pay... well, here it is. but the thing is, i dont know if i LIKE handling resposibilities..

maybe i am just too lazy or maybe i got used to handling minimal work. dont know.

sometimes i wonder if i did the right decision to resign but i do know i have no career growth at my previous job...hmmm.. yeah.

oh geezz.. enough about this stuff... Maybe i should be more thankful that i got a job while others are suffering in the streets...

cheers..

Get this thing going..

2006-03-23T06:24:00.000-08:00

patrick and i chatted just a while ago and he gave me a link to his blog. well, it gave me the inspiration to start writing here.. i created this account maybe a month ago and i never had any inclination to post something until now.

i was never good at writing. i do keep diaries but its a different matter... diaries are private.. well maybe blogging isnt too bad. maybe i'll get the hang out of this stuff.. hmmm... maybe i dont write that bad, hehe... got to use the journ lesson i had back in high school...

well, this is it for today... maybe more when i've got time...

cheers..