Looking Ahead

It's almost Christmas, soon it will be my birthday. Then the New Year will come and go, then Valentines Day, then it'll be Christmas again. And so the cycle continues..

Next year, Samsam will be leaving to work in the US, probably on January, for I don't know how long. And I will miss him. We have been friends since college and I know most of what he's doing while we're here in Cebu. Through Gigi, of course..hehe. We got pretty close here because we do not have other matters to be busy with. So we just bear each others' company. And I'm sure they suffer my constant presence at their apartment, hehe.. They're stuck with me.

Next year, Samsam won't be around to do the usual stuff with. There will be 1 person less to talk to, to annoy, to make fun at, to tease, to match up with Jansci..hehe.. And I don't know that when he'll be back maybe a year or two from now, he'll be the same Samsam that we know. He will be doing stuff there and we'll be doing other stuff here, then we'll trade stories. But it is always better if we do all those stuff together.

Then who's next to go to Utah? Patrick? Ryan? Gigi???!! Huhuhu.. I dont think I like Wats that much.

And that's that.

I still have to get used to his "going away". Come to think of it, Mae is in Manila and Escuts is in Iligan and I don't have any news about them lately. Maybe because the US is like the moon in my way of thinking while Mae and Escuts are just a few minutes' flight away. And speaking of my bestest best friends, I wonder what's going on with their lives now.. I haven't heard from them for some time. To think that we were inseparable a few years back... :(

Life really isn't what it's used to be and will continue to be different from what we want and what we expected.

What does life and future have in store for me? I am hoping for inner peace. I will be 23 this coming December and I hope I will get a little bit more mature. But I am doubtful.

Back to my inner peace thingy, since I stepped on Cebu, it seemed that I am always seeking for something. And I am still looking. I am pretty much a Home-buddy and I want to go home to a place that feels like one. I have not found my peace over this being away-from-home-and-being-independent thing. I still continually wish for Mama to shop with, Papa to make lambing with, Dodong to bug with, home-cooked meals to eat, Monggo to cook, a room to daydream at and be alone . I continually wish for the at-home feeling. Will I find that in Cebu? For sure I will find that in Iligan but will it feel the same with most of my friends and Gigi somewhere else? Home is where the heart is, they say. I don't know where my heart is at, and that's what makes it complicated.

As for now, life and future is still pretty hazy for me. I live a pointless life and I don't see a bright future ahead. I'm pathetic.. Better be dead, right? hehhehe.. Ok, I'll find myself some psycho killer..

Haayy.. Don't get me wrong. I am cheerful today.. :D <--- see?

cheers...